On burnout and vacation season

It is the holiday season and a lot of people are taking time off from work. I know that time off also often comes with reflection on our relationship with work and its effect on our personal lives. I want to encourage you to take some time to think deeply about the amount of work you are carrying, how it is impacting your life, and to seriously consider making changes.

On burnout

About 11 years ago I transitioned from managing a warehouse to working in an office in Marketing. I burned out. Hard.

There are lots of stories about burnout and I’m not going to go into detail about what the job was or how I felt I had no way out. However, I will say it has permanently changed me for the worse and I will never be the same person.

I used to be an overly confident person, one who took big chances and always swung for the fence. Now, I second guess everything. I rarely start any new projects or adventures out of fear of being a failure. I used to have numerous hobbies and would actively seek new ones. Now, I find no fun in anything. I’ve abandoned all of my hobbies and I can’t tell you the last time I truly had fun doing anything (aside from time with my wife and kids). Everything is work. Everything is a task that needs to be checked off.

On regret

Burying yourself in a job is like being in a relationship where you love someone, but they never love you back. You keep hoping the more you love them they will, one day, realize they love you and meet your emotional needs.

You will never get it and all you be left with is regret.

I am a father of four wonderful children. My oldest moved out of the house about a year ago and I have never been more proud of them. I know they (and their fiance) and madly in love with each other and I am so happy they are out living their life.

When they moved out I completely collapsed. Not because my child was leaving, I knew this day would come and I (as mentioned above) am proud of them and excited to see where life takes them. I collapsed because I of all the time I willingly missed with them because rather than being at home, I was at work.

It is time I can never get back and now its too late, they’ve moved out. I missed so much. I missed almost everything and gave it to a soulless corporation who decided to lay me off after working their for nearly two decades. Looking into my child’s empty room solidified that I fucked up. I missed it and I can never get it back.

Make a change

I didn’t write this looking for sympathy. I want you to think about your relationship with work and to not do as I did. If you are on vacation for the holidays, put the phone and laptop away and be with the one’s you love. I want you to think deeply about what matters to you, what is truly important and prioritize those things above all others.

You have options including simply doing less at work. Put in 2/3 the work. Don’t take that promotion. Set hard boundaries and don’t break them. Leave that job. Tell that boss to go fuck himself.

Because if you don’t, you may become a person you no longer recognize. You may live a life full of regret for things you can never change.

PS: Before you suggest “go to therapy”, I live in the US and I live below the poverty line. Choosing to go to therapy means I am giving up putting food on my table and keeping the heat on. My health care options are so limited the only clinic I can go to (still) doesn’t have a phlebotomist and I can’t get blood work done that is vital to my physical health. I was supposed to get it two months ago and it might be another 6 months until this situation is resolved. And you think I can just “go to therapy”?

- - - - -

Did you like this post? Give it an upvote by clicking on the arrows below! Sending me an upvote is like you and I giving each other a high five.

🙏 😎

If you enjoy the random stuff I write here, post to Mastodon, or watch on YouTube, and are feeling generous, I am open to tips of Ko-fi.