Shame and failure - Moving on from the Moto Stylus 5G 2024

Just after the New Year I purchased a Moto Stylus 2024 5G to replace my no longer supported Samsung Galaxy S10e. After multiple problems with the Stylus 5G and a failed warranty experience, I am giving up on it and gave gone back to the S10e.

I feel a lot of things about this.

First, I feel like a failure. We are poor. We are so poor we live well below the poverty line. The Moto Stylus 5G is a $250 phone that I can’t use and wasted the money. We barely have the money to buy it and now that I’m not using it, I failed and wasted that money. But, I had to do something. The S10e is no longer receiving security updates, the camera doesn’t focus, and the battery only lasts 3/4 of a day.

This is the fundamental issue that people don’t understand about being poor. Everything decision is heavy. I can’t just buy something and if it doesn’t work out, buy something different. Every money decision is overwhelming. Should I spend this $20? Do I have something at home already that I can use for this? What am I not going to buy because I’m buying this? Spending $250 on a phone took months of research and planning. I stressed over spending it. I stressed if I was making the right decision. I stressed about what we should be spending the money on instead. In the end, I failed.

Second, I feel betrayed. Let down. I spent so much time researching what phone would be best for me in my budget and it was all wasted. I went with a new phone so I’d have a warranty. I’d know how long it was supported and there would be some sort of safety net if something went wrong. But, when I sent the device in for warranty after NFC stopped working, they never repaired it. Now I’m stuck with a device that doesn’t do what I need. I run a small contracting business and I need to be able to accept mobile payments with Tap to Pay. NFC being broken on my device makes my life much more difficult and causes me to pay more fees.

Third, I feel shame. I’m a tech enthusiast, shouldn’t I be able to make this device work? Can’t I find workarounds? I actually bought a new device this time, instead of using a friend or family members old phone and making due. I always made it work then, why can’t I make this work now? But I hate this device. Not only does some of the hardware not work, but it fails to read taps 10% of the time. I have configured only specific apps to show notifications, but they don’t come through, regardless of how I tweak it. Half the time the app drawer will only open a black screen and I have to lock, then unlock, it to fix it. There’s bugs everywhere. It is not a good device. Why do I feel like that’s my fault?

Last, I feel sad. I know there are devices that would work for me, but I’ll never be able to afford them. This isn’t “skip avocado toast” for a month. I will never, ever be able to afford them. There is no amount of saving. There aren’t any cutbacks to make, I have to live in permanent cutback mode. There’s no streaming services to cancel, I have none. The cost of a Galaxy Fold 7 is 5% of my annual income. Its near 50% of my monthly. A $100/month payment would be my third highest monthly bill. Yes, there are cheaper flagships. But, its the same problem. Can I justify spending $1,200? $800? $500? I can’t even justify $250.

Being poor is overwhelming. I wish there were somethings, sometimes, it wasn’t.

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